How (Not) To Deal With Writer's Block
by JadenYuuki
Summary: So I had been staring at a blank Word document for several minutes when who should come LITERALLY crashing into my house but UNCLE GRANDPA! After some shenanigans, I found the hole he'd left in the wall was a portal into the cartoon multiverse! Now officially a crossover fic. Rated K-Plus for my usual reasons. Categories will change as story progresses.
1. Writer's Block? Suddenly, Ninjas!

So it was an average day and I was chilling in my usual spot with my laptop as I worked on my fanfiction. By "Worked on my fanfiction," I of course mean "Spent five minutes staring at a blank Word document."

I had a bad case of Writer's Block.

I was just about to give up and turn on Netflix to binge-watch some Power Rangers episodes, when I heard a crash from behind me. I turned around and found an RV had plowed through the wall. This was strange because I was in the basement, and the wall that had just been crashed through was at least partially underground.

While i pondered on the oddness of all this, an odd old man stepped out of the RV and declared "GOOD MORNING!"

Suddenly, the world around me went briefly out-of-focus before resolving itself into a more cartoony version. I stared at the strange old man and immediately recognized who he was.

Uncle Grandpa had somehow crashed into my house.

"Say, what's that you're working on?" Uncle Grandpa asked. "Oh, you're doing some writing, but you've got a nasty case of Writer's Block that's left you staring at a blank Word document for the past five minutes."

"Uh, yeah." I replied, still kind of stunned by the impossibility of the situation.

"Not to worry, you just need some inspiration," he said. "Like, for example, a sudden ninja attack."

Suddenly, ninjas attacked. A barrage of kunai embedded themselves in the back of my chair. "Why are ninjas attacking _me_?!" I cried.

"Hang on, I'll help you with this!" Uncle Grandpa declared. He looked down at the pack on his waist and asked, "Hey, Belly Bag, can you give me something to fight off these ninjas?"

"Sure thing, Uncle G!" it said, before barfing up a magnificent-looking ornate katana.

"Ah, my letter opener! Thanks, Belly Bag!" he said, as he took the katana and began slicing through the ninjas, which exploded into clouds of smoke.

"This is crazy." I said to myself. And then another kunai flew straight at my face! With reflexes I didn't even know I possessed, I grabbed the kunai out of the air and flung it back at the ninja that threw it at me.

It was then that I noticed I was no longer wearing my usual clothes for lounging around the house, but was instead dressed in the usual outfit of my author avatar. Perhaps wisely, I decided not to question this. Instead, I pulled out "my" sword and leaped into the fray, carving up ninjas left and right until all that was left of them was a giant cloud of dust from all their exploding. It was actually pretty cool.

Uncle Grandpa gave me a high-five. "So how was that? I mean a random ninja attack should net you at least a couple hundred words, right?"

"I suppose this is one way to deal with writer's block, but this feels like an entirely different story from what I was trying to write in the first place." I replied. "Plus I'd prefer not to drag myself into my own stories..."

"Well, whatever." Uncle Grandpa shrugged as he climbed back aboard his RV. "At least I was able to help, and that's what really matters! See you around, Noah! Or Jayden, whatever you call yourself! GOOD MORNING!"

"My name's not really-" But he had already sped off.

I sat back down in my chair, cracked my knuckles, and typed up everything that had transpired. And then I looked back at the wall Uncle Grandpa had just crashed through.

The hole was still there. A swirling vortex that lead directly to the cartoon multiverse.

It was too good an opportunity to pass up.

I ran back to my bedroom, packed up some essentials, and ran back to the hole. After packing up my laptop and double-checking my supplies, I stood at the edge of the hole.

I took a deep breath.

And I jumped in.


	2. And Thus an Adventure Begins

Because I forgot to include this in the first chapter: Uncle Grandpa belongs to Cartoon Network and whoever it was that was responsible for unleashing that senile reality warper on the poor children of the Tooniverse. I own nothing but the plot and my blatant self-insert. Anything added later will be noted when it gets added.

* * *

In hindsight, stepping through a swirling vortex when all you really know about it is it leads to another dimension is, in fact, a terrible idea.

I shot out the other side of the portal like a rocket. I clutched my laptop bag close to my chest and twisted my body so as to land on my back in an attempt to keep it from getting damaged upon landing.

I skidded to a halt in the middle of someone's yard, left with a screaming headache and the taste of purple in my mouth. I was otherwise uninjured, which served as all the proof I needed to determine that I had indeed become my author avatar.

I picked myself up off the ground and looked at my surroundings. I was standing somewhere on an endless street of an otherwise nondescript suburb of the town the show _Uncle Grandpa_ takes place in. I let out an annoyed huff, as I had hoped that I might land in one of the other Cartoon Network shows. Instead it would seem fate had forced me to deal with everyone's favorite senile reality warper for a while longer.

And, speak of the devil; as soon as I had thought of Uncle Grandpa, he appeared. His RV pulled up to me and he popped his head out the window. "Good morning, Noah!" he said, "I didn't know you lived in this neighborhood!"

"I don't, actually. You left a hole in the fabric of reality back at my house and I couldn't resist seeing if I could actually follow you back through it." I replied. I didn't bother to correct him about my name, because since I was my author avatar now, that _was_ my name.

"Oh. Well, I guess I'll just have to give you a lift back home." he said.

"Actually, I was kind of hoping to just wander the Tooniverse for a while first."

Uncle Grandpa tapped his chin as he thought for a moment. "Eh." he shrugged, "I probably shouldn't be doing this, but I guess I could help you with that, too." And with that, the door to the living area of the RV popped open and a second Uncle Grandpa stepped out to wave me inside. "Come on aboard!"

It took me a moment to adjust to the interior of the RV upon seeing it in person. Through almost pure willpower, I managed to avoid making the obvious reference.

While I was lost in thought, I was approached by Pizza Steve. "Hey, Uncle G, who's the new face?"

"This is Noah." he explained to the pizza slice man. "He's not from around here, and he wants to explore the Tooniverse, so I'm letting him crash with us in the RV for a while."

"Only until I can acquire my own transportation, of course." I added.

"Okay, cool. It'll be nice to have someone new to talk to." said Pizza Steve. "I'll catch you guys later." And then he hopped on a motorbike that appeared out of nowhere and drove off.

We stood there in silence for a moment, presumably to let me process what I had just seen. Then Uncle Grandpa clapped his hands and said, "All right! Follow me and I'll give you a tour of this place!"

After the tour, Uncle Grandpa let me pick one of the unused bedrooms to use for the duration of my stay. I was just about to take a nap when I discovered he meant the "Crash with us" thing quite literally, as I was flung out of the bed due to the RV making a sudden and violent stop. I could hear the faint voice of the latest poor kid to be subjected to Uncle Grandpa's unique brand of problem solving, and a not-so-faint "GOOD MORNING!" from the man himself. I grabbed my coat and dashed to the main room of the RV, because getting to see an episode of _Uncle Grandpa_ happen in person was another opportunity too good to pass up.

* * *

And so another chapter comes to a close. I'll admit, this wasn't the direction I'd expected when I started writing, but the idea struck and I just ran with it. Hope you enjoyed. The crossovers are due to start soon, and if there's a particular show you'd like me to use, feel free to say so in your reviews.


	3. Uncle Grandpa Makes Me His Errand Boy

I was so set on witnessing an episode of the show live as it happened, but just as I reached the door, Mr. Gus stopped me.

"Sorry, we're only allowed out if Uncle G needs us for something. His rules." he said.

"Bleh." I sunk down to the floor.

Pizza Steve walked up to me. "Hey bro, come on," he said, "Sure it's kinda lame that we don't get to actively participate, but weren't you technically _already_ in an episode of the show?"

He was right, of course. Uncle Grandpa crashed his RV through a wall of my house and then helped me with a problem. And now I'm in the Tooniverse and potentially going to have an epic self-insert mega-crossover adventure!

At least, as soon as I obtain the means to travel between dimensions.

I decided to take that nap I'd been thinking about earlier.

* * *

Later that day, Uncle Grandpa came up to me and asked, "Hey, Noah, would you mind heading over to Mart-Mart and picking up some groceries for us?"

"Cant you do that yourself?" I asked.

"I would, except I've been banned from Mart-Mart after an incident involving a rampaging evil mustache monster. But since you're not actually a member of the UG crew, I figured _you_ would be able to go in and get what we need."

Then Pizza Steve magically appeared and said, "And I'll come with you, cuz _Pizza Steve_ is too big a celebrity for them to ban!" He then proceeded to pose for imaginary cameras.

* * *

And so That's how I ended up going to Mart-Mart to do grocery shopping for Uncle Grandpa.

"All right, what do we need to get first?" I asked.

Pizza Steve glanced at the shopping list Uncle Grandpa had given us. "Looks like we need some cat litter for Giant Realistic Flying Tiger's litter box," he replied.

So we grabbed a shopping cart and raced it over to the Pets Department. I attempted an epic power slide finish, but ended up flying off the cart and crashing into a display advertising Giant Realistic brand Cat Litter. I think the universe is trying to establish a running gag...

"Nice try, bro, but I guess you're just not awesome enough to pull off a stunt like that. Now, _Pizza Steve_ , on the other hand..."

I shove a bag of Cat Litter from the display into Pizza Steve's arms. "Just put that in the cart," I said, wheeling said cart away from the Pets Department.

I let out a sigh. _I'll have to put up with this nonsense for a while_ , I thought. _I mean, it's not like they'd sell personal inter-dimensional gateway generators here, right?_

"Attention Mart-Mart customers, there is a sale on Personal Inter-dimensional Gateway Generators in our Electronics Department. Hurry and get yours today, while supplies last!"

Welp. ( _Thank you, nonsense cartoon logic!_ )

"Mind if we stop by the Electronics Department?" I asked Pizza Steve, who was busy loading our shopping cart with bags of Bland-Name Product brand Doritos. "Also do you really need that many bags of Taco flavored chips?"

Pizza Steve nodded, "Sure, yeah." And then a few moments later, "And yes, we do really need that many bags of Taco flavored chips."

"All right, just checking." I said, as I spun the cart and dashed towards the Electronics Department. We arrived in record time (I assume), and I executed a masterful power slide right up to the specific section where they had their gateway generators. Without flying off this time.

I spent a few minutes looking at the various models, poring over their particular design specs, before eventually settling on a model that looked remarkably similar to a Nintendo 3DS. The fact that it was called a "Plot Device" also interested me. It seemed familiar, for some reason. "Okay, I found what I wanted," I said.

And so we finished up our shopping, waited in the checkout line for like two hours, paid for everything using Uncle Grandpa's credit card, and left.

(And treated ourselves to a couple large soft drinks courtesy of Uncle G's credit card as well.)

* * *

When we returned to the RV, I was approached by Uncle Grandpa again. "So, I heard you wanted to watch me do my thing helping a kid in need," he said.

"Well, it would be interesting," I replied.

"I suppose I could let you sit in on the next one... It's gonna be a very special episode of _Uncle Grandpa_! So special it doesn't even take place in my show!"

I pondered what he could mean by that. And then I realized, there was so far only one episode of _Uncle Grandpa_ that _wasn't_ an episode of _Uncle Grandpa_.

"You don't mean..."

* * *

And the crossovers begin next chapter. I'm sure anyone who has payed attention to CN knows what episode I'm referring to... This'll be fun.


	4. Background Ninja Nonsense

Okay, here we go! I should note, for anyone who might care to know this sort of information, that it was always my intent to kick off the crossover element by playing background-ninja in the episode "Say Uncle". And so, here it is!

Note: Details may have been altered, as I'm writing events of the episode largely from memory. Don't chew me out too hard for getting something wrong, okay?

 _Steven Universe_ and all related characters belong to Rebecca Sugar and Cartoon Network.

* * *

So Uncle Grandpa and I were riding on the back of Giant Realistic Flying Tiger, speeding through the Plot Hole to reach Beach City. Almost as soon as we had arrived, Uncle Grandpa turned to me and said, "I'm gonna take some time to set up, so you should go look around a bit. I'll just let you off here..." And then he shoved me off of Tiger.

I should mention we were still in the air.

I crashed into the sands of Beach City Beach face-first. I picked myself up and brushed off the sand that clung to my clothes.

"Ohmygosh! Are you okay?" A young boy's voice asked.

"Surprisingly, yes," I replied. "That sort of thing's been happening to me a lot, lately." And then I noticed who I was speaking to. "Holy crap, you're Steven Universe!"

He looked at me quizzically, "How do you know who I am?"

"Oh, uh... Internet?"

"Ah, right! Ronaldo's blog!" Steven declared as though it were the obvious conclusion.

"So, uh, if you don't mind me asking, what were you doing out here, before my sudden appearance so rudely interrupted things?" I asked.

"Well, it's kind of a long story, but, us Crystal Gems can summon magical weapons from our gemstones. Mine is a shield, but I've been having trouble summoning it on command." He let out a heavy sigh, "I wish there was someone who could help me with this."

SUDDENLY...

Heralded by a pod of dolphins, a giant seashell rose out of the water, and opened to reveal...

UNCLE GRANDPA IN SLIGHTLY DISTURBING ROSE QUARTZ COSPLAY!

"GOOD MORNING!" shouted everyone's favorite senile reality warper.

"UNCLE GRANDPA!" Steven cried, "I don't believe it!" After a moment of thought, he added, "No, really, I don't believe it, how are you here?"

Uncle G put an arm around Steven's shoulders. "Don't worry, kid, none of this is canon." The arm then popped loose as he sprouted a new one, which he used to reach into Belly Bag. "BUT THIS IS!" he shouted, pulling out an artillery cannon, which he then loaded with his own head and fired as we all saluted.

The head flew off toward the horizon, where it struck a ship and caused it to sink. But I didn't pay much attention to that, instead I quietly snuck away to explore the Crystal Gems' temple. And let me say it is quite a majestic sight to see in person. I took my camera from my travel bag and snapped a few quick pictures for my records.

It was about that point when the commotion over Uncle Grandpa's methods for helping with Steven's problem began to happen. I quickly rushed back to the beach because I'd left my Plot Device in the RV while it ran through self-diagnostics, and if Uncle G left without me, I'd be stuck unless he decided to come back.

I caught up to Uncle G just in time to be there when he asked Belly Bag to generate a Plot Hole to escape through. The plot hole swirled around us and I somehow ended up passing out.

* * *

I awoke with a start to find myself back in my room on the UGRV, lying on top of my freshly made bed. Apparently, Uncle G had been thoughtful enough to drop me off there after I passed out, though he crammed poor Steven into the glove box in the cockpit, if I was correctly remembering how the episode went. I checked on the status of my Plot Device, and found that the startup sequence had been completed, and it was ready to move on to registering its new user. Which I did, but it was kind of a boring process so I won't go into detail.

After I had spent a minute or so familiarizing myself with how it worked, I pocketed the device and headed into the living area just in time to find Mr. Gus discussing Steven's power source. And his gemsona. ("His gem is on his tail, and his weapon is a fryin' pan!") Meanwhile Pizza Steve was complaining to Uncle G that he thought they had all agreed that the UGRV had a One Steve Limit. And then Steven joined the conversation, stating that it's okay because his name is _Steven,_ not _Steve,_ but of course Pizza Steve was having none of that, and then while he thought nobody was looking, he donned a Steven Universe cosplay and hopped into a conveniently open plot hole. After double-checking that I understood how to use my Plot Device (and ensuring I had the user's manual in my bag, just in case), I decided to follow him.

There, in more or less the middle of the vast expanse of nothing that was the Plot Hole, were the Crystal Gems. Being pestered by Pizza Steve(n Universe).

"THAT'S NOT MY BABY!" Pearl shouted.

"Mmmmm, _pizza..._ " Amethyst drooled. And then she proceeded to eat Pizza Steve, pulling his shades out of her mouth and putting them on as if to say "Yeah, I just ate a main character from another show. _Deal with it._ " It was kinda funny in the episode, but seeing it in person, it was actually pretty disturbing.

(Pizza Steve would later reappear on the UGRV traumatized, but otherwise unharmed. Such, I suppose, is the magic of the Plot Hole.)

Suddenly, Garnet just magically popped up behind me. "And who are you?" she asked.

"Um..." I considered how to proceed, before deciding to just come clean. "I was following the pizza slice."

"If you wanted to eat it, you're too late." Amethyst said.

"Do you, maybe, know how to get out of here?" Pearl asked, appearing to calm down slightly.

I pulled out my Plot Device. "Maybe." Starting up an app marked "Plot Hole Scanner", I waved the device around semi-dramatically. The device made a "PING" sound as Uncle Grandpa and Steven flew by, likely on their way back to Beach City.

"AFTER THEM!" shouted Garnet, and the Gems ran off behind the senile old reality warper who had, from their perspective, kidnapped their half-gem friend.

Suddenly, we were all back on the Beach City beach, with the Crystal Gems leaping at Uncle Grandpa, weapons out, ready to destroy. Steven leaped in front of him and in a blinding flash, he stopped the Gems with his shield.

"Hey, I did it!" Steven cried happily.

And so the Gems stopped trying to harm Uncle Grandpa, Uncle Grandpa apologized for any trouble his appearance in their world caused, and we all shared a good laugh.

"Well, my work here is done." Uncle Grandpa declared. "You ready to head back, Noah?"

"Actually, since I've got my Plot Device up and running, I figured I might just stay here a bit longer. Take in more of the sights Beach City has to offer," I said, holding up the Device so he could see it.

"Oh, okay. You sure you don't need to get your stuff from the RV?"

I clicked into an app on the Plot Device and my stuff materialized in a small pile in front of me. "Nah, I'm good," I said as I zapped the pile into a convenient non-dimensional storage space.

"All right, then, I'll see you around, Noah!" Uncle Grandpa called, as he disappeared into another plot hole.

"Wait, you were with that madman?" Pearl asked.

"Not entirely by choice, I can assure you." I set my Plot Device in Sleep Mode and put it in my travel bag, then set off toward the city. "If you'll excuse me, I'd like to do a bit of sightseeing."

"Oh! I can show you around!" Steven shouted.

At that point, my stomach grumbled in the manner that could only happen in a cartoon. "First off, something to eat would be great..."

"I know just the place! Do you like french fries?"

* * *

A/N: Holy crap I keep managing to top my previous word count with each new chapter. In fact, this one perhaps contains the largest amount of plot-related words I've written for a fanfic in a loooooong time.

I need to find more time to write stuff...


	5. I don't know what to call this

So I was typing away on my laptop, working on some new ideas that had just came to me, while taking in the ambiance of Beach City.

"What'cha working on, there?" asked Steven, carrying a bag of fry bits.

"Oh, you know, doing some writing," I replied. "I've got a ton of ideas lately, it's crazy."

"You're a writer? Have you written anything I'd have read?" Steven leaned in to try to get a better view of what I was doing.

"Probably not. I mostly write fanfiction," I explained as I pushed him out of the way. "Currently, I'm working on combining a cartoon I used to really like with a video game I play way too much."

I typed up a bit more before reaching another wall of writer's block. "Gah. Why is this so hard? The show already runs on RPG Logic, why can't I figure out how to squeeze in a reference to the game's combat system and still have it sound like it belongs in-universe?" I saved what I had and slammed my laptop closed. "Ah, whatever, I'll figure it out later."

* * *

Some time later, I was doing a bit of practice with my sword. I wasn't willing to test the idea that body-jacking my author avatar meant I could draw on his skills without needing to maintain them. So, while I was certain I could picture how to perform the skills I had, I was determined to practice them so that I actually could.

I was also doing my exercises in secret, fully expecting Steven to freak if he were to see me during such sessions.

Apparently, not secret enough.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" Steven shouted, "You're a swordsman, too? You know, Pearl's a swordsman- Er, swords-woman? Swords-gem?" He shrugged.

"Let's go with 'Fencer'," I offered. "Maybe not the best term, but it should work."

"Yeah, okay. You know, I bet Pearl would be glad to have a sparring partner that isn't a hologram of herself..."

Aaaaaaand that's how I ended up in Pearl's little arena place, squaring off against a Holo-Pearl.

"Let's see what you can do, first," Pearl had said when Steven approached her with the idea.

"TRAINING PROGRAM BEGIN. LEVEL ONE, START," the Holo-Pearl said as it took up a fencing stance. I readied myself, spun away from its opening thrust, and sliced through the hologram with relative ease.

"LEVEL ONE COMPLETED. CONTINUE TO LEVEL TWO?" it asked.

I did a quick flourish and got back into a ready stance. "Bring it."

As the level count increased, the challenge did as well. Soon, I found myself fighting multiple holograms, flowing around the arena like I was the Prince in the Sands of Time trilogy. (Or perhaps an Assassin's Creed protag.) I have to say, it felt pretty cool. But, as with my skills in those games, I inevitably mistimed a reaction command and got nicked by Holo-Pearl's blade. "CHALLENGER DEFEATED. VICTORY IS MINE," it declared, standing down.

Steven rushed over to me, licked his hand and slapped it onto my cheek quietly chanting "Please work please work please work..."

"Steven, I'm fine, it was just a scratch," I said, "But _dang_ does it sting."

The Holo-Pearl stood at attention, and said, "TRY AGAIN?"

I sheathed my sword and replied, "Nah, I'm good."

The hologram then vanished, saying, "PROGRAM COMPLETE."

Pearl walked up to me. "I suppose I should have warned you about how dangerous my training program could get. It tends to be hard to remember that humans can't regenerate like us Gems can."

"I just told Steven it's fine. Kinda stung though."

I could swear I saw a twinge of blue in Pearl's cheeks. "Still, it is partially my fault you were injured..."

I placed a hand on her shoulder. "I said, it's _fine_. Don't beat yourself up about it."

"Will you two just _kiss_ already? Jeez!" Amethyst shouted.

We immediately turned away from each other, no doubt both of us blushing profusely. I know I certainly was.

"Amethyst. Don't tease them," Garnet scolded. "Besides, that won't happen for quite a while," she added with a trolling smirk. Steven just sort of sat there with a starry eyed expression, squealing excitedly.

We just sort of stood there for a while, not talking, and not looking at each other.

"Um. Y-your skills are quite impressive," Pearl eventually said.

"Thanks," I replied.

We stood there for a few more minutes, before I finally asked, "Do you mind if I use your shower? I think I need one after all that."

"Sure, just follow me!" said Steven, as he led me back into the house.

* * *

Endnotes: Well. The bit with Amethyst wasn't part of my original plan, but once it popped into my head, I just ran with it. The decision to do so may have been helped by the fact that, for a while, I had a bit of a crush on Pearl. I might still, actually. Take from that what you will, I suppose.

Anyway, it's a new year, and one of my resolutions was to update at least one of my fanfics a month, so I did a bit of a rush to finish this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it, and I'll see you next chapter! (Whenever _that_ will be...)


	6. I Want To Go Home Now

I spent a bit longer in Beach City before finally deciding I ought to head back home. It was fun, but I had stories to post.

So I stopped by the temple one last time to say goodbye to everyone. I played some video games with Steven, and then thanked them all for everything.

"Feel free to drop by whenever you like!" Steven called, as I pulled out my Plot Device, and selected its "Go Home" option.

"Sure thing!" I called, giving one last wave as I stepped through the portal that opened in front of me.

I was met by a bright flash followed by a brief headache. I wondered if I would ever get used to that feeling. My eyesight cleared, and I found myself in the room Uncle Grandpa had loaned me during my stay in _his_ dimension.

"Aw, crap..."

* * *

So, it turns out, "Home", according to my Plot Device, is the dimension in which it was initially set up.

In hindsight, I should have considered that. Fortunately, Uncle Grandpa ought to be able to drop me off at my real home dimension, right?

"Oh, sure, I can take you there, I just have to... Uh... I forgot."

I'm certain my anime-style face plant at hearing him say that was somewhat spectacular to witness. "So then, I'm stuck here?" I asked, as I picked myself off the floor.

"No, no, I'll remember eventually." Uncle Grandpa then placed a hand on his chin and made loud "thinking" noises.

"Don't strain yourself," I said.

He suddenly got a look like he was concentrating _really hard_ , and it almost appeared as though he had remembered.

But he hadn't. Instead, he let out a particularly loud fart, and his expression instantly relaxed. "Sorry. It was just gas."

"Okay, forget this," I said. "I'm going to my room."

On my way there, I ran into Pizza Steve, who immediately grabbed me by the collar, and shook me (Or would have if he weren't the size and weight of a pizza slice). "DUDE! I _know_ you were there! You were _there_ , man, and you just let it happen!" he shouted. "Well, I've been waiting for you to get back so I could show you why it's not nice to just let the _coolest guy in the world_ get eaten like a- um..." He stopped, tapped his chin for a bit, then poked me in the chest. "Whatever. I'm going to bust loose my ultimate secret fatal finishing technique on you!" He then launched himself off of me, did a triple flip in the air and then dropped an axe kick on me.

It was basically what you'd expect from Pizza Steve: Incredibly flashy, but ultimately ineffective. Especially since my borrowed skills decided to kick in, and I slapped him aside before his attack could actually land, leaving his sunglasses spinning in front of me. Then, continuing more or less on autopilot, I snatched the shades from the air and put them on. _Deal with it._

Pizza Steve got up and said, "You win _this round_ , but someday I'll get you!" He then ran off.

Two seconds later, he popped back into frame, wearing another pair of his trademark sunglasses, to add, "You can keep those shades, I guess. I have plenty of them."

* * *

"I think I know how to get you home!" Uncle Grandpa told me the next morning. "I just now remembered how I got the UGRV to punch through dimensional boundaries. I can't believe I forgot about the warp drive system!" he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

We went into the UGRV cockpit. "Here, you ride shotgun," Uncle G said, actually handing me a shotgun.

"Uh, okay," I replied as I slid into the copilot's chair.

"It's actually really simple, I just need a long enough stretch of road..." he began explaining.

"Let me guess, once you get this baby up to eighty-eight miles per hour, we'll see some serious-" I interrupted, only for my interruption to be interrupted by Uncle G shoving a soap bar in my mouth.

"You watch your language, young man!" He scolded, "I thought you were trying to maintain a K+ Rating for this story!"

I spat out the soap. "I thought I got one free use!"

"Perhaps, but you should save it for an emergency, like if you saw a giant planet-eating monster take an explosion the size of small moon to the face and come out unscathed." Uncle G turned his attention back to the road. "Anyway, all you need to do is concentrate on where you want to be, and once we get up to speed, we'll be taken there!"

I was more than ready to go home at that point, so I made sure that was the only thing on my mind.

 _There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like-_

"Oh hey, ponies!"

 _Ponies? WAIT DON'T THINK ABOUT-_

-Spark spark sparkle FWOOMPH!-

* * *

Will I ever be able to return home? Where am I going to be stuck next? Will Uncle Grandpa ever stop being unintentionally trollish? Tune in next time for the answer to at least one of these questions! (The last one can be answered RIGHT NOW: "No, he won't.")

Reviews are always appreciated!


End file.
